Escape from Palischuk
Session III: Escape from Palischuk (19th of Nightal, 1374 DR) As Told by Zuk Well for the five days we rest, we do what most adventurers do in a city. I had a couple of masterwork daggers, some gems, and a potion of cure light wounds that I had to sell. What I wanted was a masterwork scythe. I walk through a doorway of the blacksmith. Lucky there was no door, otherwise I would have been a bustin it down. I am greeted with a half-orc who is all dressed up fancy like an elf. I ask him how much he would be willing to give me for these two masterwork daggers. After sizing me up he informs me that he would be willing to give me 125 gold pieces for the daggers. I stare at him for a second. I blurt out incredulously “GOLD PIECES??!” Wow a sucker is born every minute. Who would pay gold for daggers. I try to calm my emotions and act like it’s cool. I pretend to think about it and quickly tell him he has a deal. Wow, for daggers haha sucker. Next up I sell those worthless gems for some more gold pieces and finally the potion of cure light wounds. Then I ask him if he could make me a masterwork scythe. Of course he can, he says he has a dwarf in a nearby settlement that makes all his weapons. I say “Good Sir, since it is a dwarf making this weapon I fear that it will be inferior make. I’d like a discount” We eventually agree that in exchange for my scythe and 300 gold pieces in five days I’ll have a masterwork scythe. We’re told Gorm needs complete bed rest for five days in order to recover his constitution. So we end up tying him to the bed so that he can’t get out. Krunc buys a great axe now that he’s a mountain orc he’s suddenly proficient in it. Oh did I mention we’re all mountain orcs now (Races of Faerun). Anyway on the fifth day we all go to the bar, except Gorm who we won’t untie and proceed to try to kick in the door. But the bartender reinforced it. Krunc slams into the door ripping and bending the metal and jamming the door in the path. We look at each other, “How do we open this thing???” Suddenly we hear Gorm screaming from back in the room as he rips the bed apart trying to free himself. To escape his wrath Grutt and I take off. I find myself at the smith and get my scythe. It’s nice, and it has orcish writing all over it. I say elegantly, “Bitchiinnn” On my way back to the bar I notice Grutt surrounded by a crowd of half orcs. Some of them yelling to get the guards. Grutt is loudly praying to Gruumsh and asking everyone to join in. The mob is turning hostile. crap, I need to get Krunc and Gorm and calm this mob down. I take off to the bar. I hear Grutt yell out in the background, “How dare you call me a filthy orc you half-orc hoes! I’LL DESTROY YOU” Sprinting to the bar I knock over a couple of people and bust in kicking what’s left of the door to the side; I see Krunc and Gorm are paying the bartender for something. I yell out “Brethren! Grutt is in need of assistance, I fear that our time in this city might be coming to an end” We run up to the floor above and run down a hallway. We quickly pull out our weapons and bolt to where I last saw Grutt. The scene is embarrassing for Grutt. He’s laying on the ground swinging his greatsword. His struggles are stopped as the two remaining guards slam there Dire Flails into Grutt. Wow grutt let them kill him great. REVENGE We all scream and charge the two half-orcs who can only stare in awe as we slice through them like butter. It’s possible one of them might have tripped me but the events were very hazy. We notice Grutt’s body healing under Krunc’s aura and he is picked up and placed on Gorm’s shoulder. I’m told to grab his great sword which is lying on the ground next to a dire flail. Since I know it’ll piss Grutt off I instead grab him a heavy flail. We start running down the hallways in this old keep kicking doors in left and right. More guards come pouring out and we easily start taking them down as well. Suddenly a huge monster of some sort burst out a golem? And a smallish half-orc wizard… wait a second. Hey I was looking for a half-orc wizard like five days ago wtf!? Well he waves his hands around and the next thing I know Gorm is laying down taking a nap. We’re trapped in this dead end. Behind us a door is barred shut with a small slot showing a half-orc guard smiling like an idiot at us. Ahead of us is a huge golem, his wizard pal, and several more guards. Quickly I summon Jakob and place him on the otherside of the door which he opens for us! I tell Jakob to go kill the golem. We grab Gorm and drag him down the hallway as our skeleton savior keeps the rest of them at bay. Which he does for all of six seconds before he’s turned into kindling by the golem. We start booking it down the stairs onto the bottom level. We begin to run out when we see the bar we were at earlier. I yell at Krunc to quickly go and get our quest from the bar, that’s where adventurers get them! Krunc runs into the bar, I smash down the door across the hall from the bar. Inside are casks of beer. OH sweet! We hear the bartender from inside start screaming at us. Quickly Gorm, Grutt, and I pick up a cask and heft it on our backs and book it. Behind us is Krunc carrying a man’s body. “I got our adventure” He yells as we run out of town. The guards only look at us with curiosity as we run by. Some of them try to get in our way, we run them over. Something tells me that we might not be allowed there ever again. I do know this, someday I’m gonna come and kill that golem thing. We run for about 2 miles before setting camp. We open a cask, make a fire, tie up our adventure, and begin drinking as we wait for him to wake up. Grutt says, “They called me a filthy orc, what was I suppose to do?”